All Because of a Belt!
by TheLef318
Summary: John takes his son Julian to the funhouse. But when John slips down that slide, he regrets everything. One-shot.


**So, this is my hilarious one-shot! XD Hope you like it, please rate and review. Here we go!**

All Because of a Belt!

_John could not take any more of it. He felt so exhausted and continued to sink into the pit as more people threw stones at him . . ._

"BEEP, BEEP, BEE-"A fist rose from the comfort of the bed sheet, smashing the alarm. Of course, that fist belonged to none other than the witty John Lennon.

The 25 year-old rose, cracking his knuckles. "Bloody alarm . . . what kind of dream was that?" he shrugged it off and went down to the living room where Cyn was preparing breakfast for them. Cyn heard her husband's slumpy steps and turned to greet him.

"Morning John," Cyn said.

"Morning, Cyn luv," John planted a kiss on her lips and smiled. "So, what's for brekky?"

"Oh, just the usual," Cyn replied. John took a seat next to Julian, who was happily playing with his food.

"So, how's my little man?" John play-attacked Julian. Julian giggled and wrestled back. When Julian fake-punched his father, John pretended to go unconscious. "Oh no! It's too strong for me to bear. Argh . . ." John fell back in his chair with his tongue sticking out. Julian laughed at him as Cyn placed her and John's breakfast on the dining table.

"Oh, knock it off you two," Cyn tried to be stern, but couldn't help but let out a grin. "And I just remembered. Julian wants to go to the funhouse today. I can't take him since I have all these chores to do. You don't have any work today, so I was wondering if you could take him."

John opened his eyes and brought himself back into sitting position. "Huh?" he obviously hadn't listened to what his wife ad just said.

Cyn rolled her eyes. "I _said, _could you take Julian to play in the funhouse today?"

"Oh, umm . . . yeah. Suure . . ." John took a bite off his sandwich.

"It would be a good idea for you to spend more time with him, anyway, since you're so busy being a Beatle and all. Just promise me you won't let him run off into trouble, okay?"

John didn't stop eating. "Easy-peasy. Don't worry, it's not like a bunch of kids will try to capture me." John smirked.

As soon as he and Julian were finished eating, he got the both of them dressed.

John thought about wearing a belt. _Forget it. It's just a kids play area. I don't need a belt for that._

The phone rang as they were about to leave. "I'll get it," John rushed to the phone.

"Hullo?" John lazily answered.

"Hey John, it's Paul. Anyway, George, Ringo and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out?"

"Sorry Macca. Gotta take care of Julian today."

"Oh, that's alright. Maybe another time then." Paul hung up and John and Julian left and they were off to the mall in John's car. As soon as he parked, Julian couldn't wait to get out.

"Yay, funhouse!" Julian exclaimed.

Ever since Beatlemania spread, John was always uneasy about going into public places, especially the mall. He made sure to lay low, hoping a fangirl wouldn't recognize him every five minutes and scream their head off and try to grab him.

The line for the funhouse was extremely long, and while waiting John saw the rules: _Children under four must be accompanied by adult._

_Ugh, Julian's only two._ John thought_. Looks like I have to endure all that screaming and smell of feet and pee._

Eventually they finally reached the entrance.

"For how many?" The young lady at the desk looked up at John but he tried to look somewhere else.

"Um, one child, accompanied by me," John tried to disguise his voice.

"Your name's please?"

"My son's name is Julian, and I'm . . . Eric." John paid for the tickets.

"You can enter now. You have one hour then we'll call you back here."

_One hour? _John sighed and let Julian run around as he followed. He felt so awkward having to walk around in his socks in the middle of a playhouse. John the Beatle left the building and John the Clueless Father came into action.

"Daddy, push me down the slide!" Julian was at the top of a 3-story slide that looked more like a ride to doom.

"Julian, wait for me!" John ran up to his son and held him. "Let, me go down with you, okay?"

John was supposed to push Julian with him, but Julian got too excited and jumped up and down, causing John to accidentally let go of Julian. John watched as Julian rapidly slid down in joy.

"Jules!" John tried to chase after him, but slipped and slid on his belly, head-first.

"Argh, Jules, wait! I'm coming after ya." John pushed himself forward like a walrus (hee hee) and plummeted down.

_Oh god oh god oh god . . . _John felt like he was on his way to his death. He banged his head five times before he made it to the end.

He lied on the floor with his face stuck to it. Groaning he managed to pull himself into sitting position. He looked aroung for Julian and eventually found him, completely unharmed, running to him.

"Daddy!" Julian hugged John. "Daddy, your pants!"

"What?" John looked down at his pants.

There weren't any.

He looked up to see that his pants were being played with by a bunch of kids at the top of the slide.

"Excuse me," John turned red in embarrassment. He was in a mall with his underwear for God's sake! But there was nowhere to hide now. The kids were laughing and blowing raspberries at him

"Can I have those back, please?" Oops, he forgot to disguise his voice. One of the kids who looked about ten recognized him and slid down to him. He motioned for his friends to follow.

"Hey, are you John Lennon?' The others gasped in surprise.

_Shit, my cover's blown. _Well, it looked like saying no wasn't an option anymore.

"Alright. Yes, I am. Now, please give me my pants back."

"Oh, so you are, huh? Let's make a deal. We'll give you your pants back if you play with us."

"Or . . . ?" John challenged.

"Or if you don't, we'll tell."

"Pfft. You're just a bunch of kids! Make m- YEEOWW!" The youngest in the group of kids, who looked no older than three, kicked him in the nuts. Everyone, including Julian laughed at him.

The leader kneeled next to him. "We could do that again if you like."

"No, no please. I'll do anything you ask." John was clutching his crotch as tight as he could.

"Hmm. Alright. Here's your pants." The kid handed it over and John quickly put it on. "But try to run away or make fun of us again, you can either have your pants taken away again or I could ask lil' Ted o'er there to kick you again." He gestured to the three-year-old.

"Okay! Now, what do you want to do?" John stood up, still massaging his groin. "And you have to promise to keep my son safe."

"Aww, don't worry. It's not like we would do any harm to _him_," The kid made sure to put emphasis on _him_. "Name's James by the way. Let's play a game of hide and seek. You have to find all six of us, including your son. No cheating! Count to a hundred."

John moaned and Ted glared at him. Not wanting another blow, He reluctantly closed his eyes started counting.

….

The kids didn't start hiding right away. They were whispering to each other.

"Alright, so what's our plan?"

"We're gonna surprise attack him. He'll probably look for his son and try to escape us, so we'll use Jules as bait."

Julian was surprisingly agreeing all the way.

"The entire funhouse is basically an obstacle course. So each of us has to hide in each part. Then we ambush him at the _"finish line"._"

"Sounds devishly sweet to me!"

"88, 89, 90."

"Let's get a move on!"

…...

Each child went to his or her own assignment as if in a battlefield, armed and ready to attack their enemy. Julian purposely chose an obvious hiding spot to lure his father into.

"98, 99, and 100! Now, where are yeh little rascals?" John immediately saw Julian peeping from behind a box.

"There you are son! Do you know where the others are?" _Not that I ever want to see the others again anyways . . ._ but John could see Julian was having fun and didn't want to spoil the moment, so he played along. Julian pointed to a tunnel with punching bag-like objects and motioned for his father to follow.

They slowly tread through, treating the punching bags like mines. When they reached the end of the tunnel, there were several alternating platforms that led to the next floor down.

"So, where are those ki-" KA-POOW! A punching bag hit John hard on the head and sent him tumbling down as Julian simply watched. The girl who had hit John came out of her hiding place and hi-fived Julian.

After that dreadful fall, John looked up and saw a bunch of spinning poles. _What is this, pole-dancing for toddlers?_ John tried to walk across, but the spinning was so powerful it knocked him off his feet and off he went, right into the ball shooting range.

_My head . . . _After all that spinning John felt unbearably dizzy. As he was trying to balance himself again, Ted, Julian and two other kids were waiting at the four toy guns at the corners of the room.

"Could this get any more embarrassing?" John asked him self.

"And . . . FIRE!" Balls unexpectedly came down on John hitting him in every single spot he wished wouldn't have been hit. He yelled and tried to get out and go to the next room (like the next room was any better) and eventually he overcame the balls and escaped.

John thought he was finally free, until he fell into the ball pit, the end of the funhouse. He didn't even notice there was a ball pit until he felt all those balls rub against his body.

"Fffffff . . . fuuuuu . . . fuuuuuuuu . . . FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

…...

"Want a snack, Ringo?"

"No thanks, George."

"How 'bout you, Paul"

"I'm fine too."

"Great, I get to spend all our lunch money on meself!" George ordered every single snack on the menu.

The three Beatles were chilling in a café in the mall they often went to. Next to it was that famous funhouse . . . nobody really cared about its actual name; they just called it 'the funhouse' . . . where all the little children went to play.

"Aah, will you just look at that, lads?" Paul sighed. "It's lovely to see all those innocent children playing in their perfect world, where absolutely nothing can go wrong."

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Ringo nearly flipped the table over. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"More like, '_who_ the bloody hell' . . . wait a sec. Doesn't that voice sound familiar to you?" Paul

"C'mon Paulie. It's not like it's John or anything –"George's eyes were wide open. A moment of realization dawned upon them, and they immediately rushed out of their seats to the funhouse.

"Sorry, we'll come back for the food later!" George yelled to the café owner.

….

John could not take any more of it. He felt so exhausted and continued to sink into the pit as more kids threw balls at him . . .

_So, this was my bloody nightmare last night. To be ambushed by a bunch of kids . . . and my own son._

"Attack! Have no mercy!" James cried out. The six kids piled up on John and wrassled him all the way to the very bottom. "Help, need oxygen!" John's voice was barely audible through all those kids yelling and screaming. "Help! Won't you please, please help me!"

Paul, George and Ringo got there just in time to see John sink into the pit.

"John, is that you?" Paul asked.

"Yes, it's me, you git! Now help me out of here. "John spoke just loud enough for them to hear.

They stood there for a moment, then all burst out laughing.

"Ringo wiped a tear of joy from his eye. The amazing John Lennon, a former Teddy Boy, the man who wasn't afraid of anyone, is now here before all of you, being attacked by toddlers!" That only made Paul and George laugh even harder.

"Shut up and tell the desk lady to get Eric and Julian out of here!"

They were confused for a bit, then understood.

"Alright, alright." The three ran to the front of the waiting line, hiding their faces from everyone.

" 'Scuse me? No, no, please don't faint from seeing us. Just don't yell our names out loud. Umm, I was just told to tell you that Julian and Jo- I mean Eric want to leave already."

"The desk lady had to keep herself from fangirling out and did as she was told. "Eric and Julian, please return to the entrance."

"THAT'S US!" John suddenly rose from the pit and carried Julian out. _It's about time we left this hellhole!_

John met the other three at the entrance and Ringo carried Julian for him.

"So, tell us. _What the heck happened back there?!" _Paul asked.

"Well I . . . I . . . " John went unconscious and Paul and George had to catch him.

"If those kids had the guts to knock John Lennon out then I sure as hell won't ever cross them," Ringo said.

As always, a group of girls who were walking by noticed them.

"It's . . ."

"the . . ."

"BEATLES!"

"Run!"

And so, the three conscious lads ran for their dear lives, one carrying a two-year old child in his arms, one supporting the unconscious man and one supporting the other half of the unconscious man with a bag of food in his other hand (he paid and got it while they were on the run).

And if you notice, all this ruckus would have never happened if John had bothered to wear a god-damn belt that morning.


End file.
